Cat Lost in Thought for 20 Minutes
A cat named Simba caught himself drifting away in a daydream early Sunday. When he looked at the clock, he found 20 minutes had passed.
“Not sure what he was thinking about,” says Gordon Paulson, an eye-witness. “Probably white-water rafting, knowing him.”
Via Selin Ayangolu.
Local Puppy Laments the End of Summer
A Cincinnati, OH pup named Ellie is “totally bummed” about summer ending, according to sources close to the situation.
“She had just started her leaf collection,” says Ray Stonewall. “I mean, there will be plenty of leaves in September, but I don’t think she’s really into the brown ones.”
Submitted by Kristin Lasita.
Puppy Invites Friends Over to Watch Animal Planet
A New York City pup named Wally sent Evites to his friends late Thursday in the hopes they were free to come over and watch some Animal Planet with him on the weekend. Two of his pals, Franklin and Holly, were able to attend. Witnesses say fun was had by all, though not everyone could make it.
“The plans were too last-minute — I had another obligation,” says Roberta Rolan, who declined the invitation. “Also, who sends an Evite? What is this, 2002?”
Submitted by Darren Tome.
Dog Forgets to Signal, Despite Numerous Traffic Tickets
You’d think after receiving nine “failure to signal” tickets in the last 12 months, Rufio would stick to the rules of the road.
“It always slips his mind,” says Carl Dougan, who carpools with the pup on their way to office every Thursday. “I’d be lying if I said his reckless driving didn’t freak me out a bit, but we save a ton on gas, so I just buckle up.”
Dachshund Wins Melon Balling Contest
A dachshund named Pickle has been named the champion of this year’s International Melon Balling Contest. His top score of 167 points was carefully determined by a panel of judges who weighed his technique, ball size and final presentation.
“It was a close match,” says melon ball enthusiast Clyde Fairbanks. “But Pickle really pulled it out at the end with his classic Half-Ball Twist.”
Pickle was awarded $50,000 and The Golden Baller, a coveted trophy in most melon art circles.
Area Kitty’s Hiding Spot Is Just Terrible
According to sources close to the situation, an area kitty name Temperance embarrassed herself during a recent game of hide and seek. Witnesses say Temperance’s choice of hiding spot — behind the floor pillow leaning against the wall — was “so obvious it hurt.”
“It was just embarrassingly bad,” said Oliver Robertson, the commissioner of the North American Feline Hide and Seek Association. “She’s really going to tumble down the NAFHSA standings based solely on this one game. I don’t know what she was thinking.”
Rabbit Calls for End to Political Mudslinging
With the U.S. presidential election just over two months away, one bunny has had enough of the partisan attacks. The rabbit, Toby Bun Bun, thinks that the Obama and Romney campaigns have grown increasingly nasty, especially with so-called SuperPACs on each side pouring an almost unlimited amount of money into slamming the other side.
“Mr. Bun Bun just wants a return to the issues,” said Melanie Wyndham, a spokesperson for the concerned bunny. ”When campaigns turn to negative ads and personal attacks, the electorate loses. Mr. Bun Bun wants both candidates and parties to swear to run a clean campaign from here to Election Day, and to publicly urge SuperPACs to follow suit.”